Huge Cocks, SUVs, and Pocket Jeff Goldblum.....

.....the only way this picture could be more American would be if a chick in an American flag bikini was playing a guitar solo on a gun shaped guitar.

WATCH ME AS I UPLOAD THE ORGASM VIRUS INTO THIS DRAWING USING MY MACBOOK!  SEE AS THE JUICE OF HAXORZ FLOWS!

*giant wiener artfully crafted by Patches of Adams.

Keeping Up With PJG: Indiana Adventures and Curry Sweat

A few weeks ago I took PJG down to beautiful (surprisingly so - kudos Indiana for not being a total shitfest) Bloomington and the University of Indiana to help my friend Peter (through whom PJG was found in a roundabout way) move in and get ready for Grad school.  PJG was none to happy to be put in a position to marinade in beer sweat and fast food grease next to my unwashed package, but I assured him that the only lulz could come from this adventure.  Reluctantly he agreed - little did he know that he would come closer to another man's junk than ever before - and he would be trapped in a curry flavored prison for 4 days.

After moving in to the new digs and enduring ceaseless bitching from my hip pocket (fine I get it you prefer the cargo pocket, but I'm sorry it just isn't as intimate as I like PJG), it was time to tour campus. 

In search of young college floozies to crawl inside of, PJG insisted we go by the football stadium.  Sadly, all he found was the gimp cart and some painters.  Here you see him clinging desperately to the fence outside the stadium, smelling the wafting paint fumes and looking for a buzz.  WHAT ARE YOU DOING PJG YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A PAPER BAG OR A RAG.  GET DOWN FROM THERE.

PJG insisted I post this picture.  He kept muttering things about bears touching children.  Oh PJG, it seems like it doesn't take much of the ode du paint to get you going.....


After wandering about campus we got down to the most important part of moving:  drinking.  Now armed with 3 30 bricks of 'Stones and a fifth of vodka, the move began to transition into something more magical.  Songs were being written and stories being told, when it dawned on us:  we were in the perfect mood to go cruise campus under cover of night (and booze).

Now completely soaked in beer sweat, PJG began to become intoxicated, so not even he can explain much of what happened next.  Somehow he ended up in an Art building, and now full of swelling cultural interest and curiousity, he began to explore....

PJG started his tour admiring the work of the undergrad students.  PJG remarked on the kind hearts of the potheads who must have toiled over these projects, while I commented on the obvious cinnamon rolls on the piece on the right.  An argument started, but I deferred:  PJG probably knows more about fine art, being from Hollywood and all. 

PJG was clearly under the influence at this point.  Climbing all over these large cardboard pieces, he kept singing "A Whole New World" from the Little Mermaid.  PJG, you are kind of starting to gross me out, you paint huffing pederast.

No PJG, I don't think that's what the face of God would look like.  Maybe the lower intestines of God, but not face (if God does have a lower intestine, I would imagine it would be clean and free of unvoided feces, as he probably eats a pretty high fiber diet - insert cleanliness close to Godliness joke here). 

Here PJG, fully in the grip of what had to be one bad trip, tries to reenact his favorite scenes from Saw movies.  Its a good thing you put your hands up at the last minute PJG, remember safety first.  On a side note, I wonder what a sawed in half plastic nutsack looks like.  Oh well.

Shortly after PJG got tired of the band saw and began to find new ways to "look like a badass bro for the ladies, maybe learn some Dave and get some poontang", we retired back home.  What the rest of the night held, well, that may just be something that haunts PJG for the rest of his years.......

DUN DUN DAAAAAAAA!

 RUN FOR YOU LIFE PJG FORGET MODESTY GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

NAKED ROBOT ATTACK!